Roy, Review: ROYters’ block, alias ‘balle t balle t’

Papa Anupam Kher thinks it is something to do with a woman. Son Arjun Rampal calls it writers’ block. Both are right. Grewal Senior was referring to writer-director Kabir Grewal’s predicament in the film, while Rampal was explaining to the viewers why this film was going nowhere! Casanova Grewal has fallen in love with a documentary film-maker named Ayesha Aamir, from London, while shooting his film Guns III in Malaysia, but she then backed off. Serial seducer Grewal found himself sulking and unable to complete the script, and continue the schedule, and media blew-up this story no end. What would happen to the third instalment about the exploits of the international art-thief called….you guessed it, Roy!

Back in July 2013, it was announced that investment banker turned director Vikramjeet Singh’s debut venture, Roy, will go on floors by November. Singh had planned this film two-three years back, but due to the differences with the producers, the project did not hit the floor. But now, when he approached new producer Bhushan Kumar (whose wife Divya Khosla Kumar is also a producer on Roy), things fell in place for him. Roy was slated to release on 20 June 2014. It has come eight months late. And one can see why. Bhushan, the T-Series man, might have seen possibilities in marketing its music, which, at 35 minutes of song tracks, consists of well-mixed, serviceable numbers. For the rest, it’s a big mix-up.

There’s Kabir and there’s Roy, his alter ego. There’s Ayesha and there’s a girl who is her spitting image, and then Ayesha is replaced by Tia. Who is in love with whom, and why are they constantly posturing will require a psychiatrist to decode. In an attempt to show father-son bonhomie, we have the father calling his son every now and then from abroad, and whining that his housekeeper(s) and nurse(s) have resigned. Both father and son laugh at these developments, blaming them on the old man’s amorous predilection. When Dad finds Sonny in a blue mood, instead of giving some solace or advice, he tries to gift him an expensive watch, knowing that his son does not wear watches. For unexplained reasons, Kabir types his scripts on a portable type-writer, in 2014! He names his films Guns I, II and III, though they are about an art-thief, and not about guns or bullets. Giving a demo of her dancing prowess to her lover, Ayesha indulges in an impromptu sea-shore ballet, performed to the music in her mind! Balle balle to that.

As a basic story premise, Vikramjeet has something going for him. Sadly, what little merit he had in the story has been drowned in a screenplay that is amateurish and choppy, like a first draft. Dialogue has great depth, but of the pretentious kind. Almost every character speaks in a low, unnatural pitch, and almost every other line is a lesson from philosophy, or a sermon on life. They impress each other every time, even as they show scant repect for the viewers' IQs. Incidentally, the actors show a complete lack of awareness of pronunciation, especially when it comes to words that have their origins in Urdu. Ayesha’s Brit accent is alright.

Arjun Rampal belies expectations and, for once, acts! Jacqueline Fernandez is statuesque and reminds one of Italian actresses of the 60s and 70s, as well as contemporary actress Priyanka Chopra, in turns. She does provide some oomph and her lissome body movements in the ballet, coupled with sexy thighs stretched horizontally, go down well. Ranbir Kapoor as Roy looks cute and as vulnerable as he always does, perhaps more so. As the most wanted international  thief, he’s out of character as he's made to brood and brood, with only two scenes that demand action and thievery. Anupam Kher is wasted yet again. As the detective in pursuit of Roy, talented Rajit Kapoor evokes pity, at the way he is made to ham, with clueless entries and exits. Shibani Dandekar plays Zoya, Ayesha’s woman-Friday, with a cute smile. Kaizaad Kotwal is loud as the financer Irani. Do financers, who invest crores in Hindi films, behave like Irani? Maybe they do. Barun Chanda sounds like a tipsy Danny Denzongpa, but looks the part of the art thefts mastermind. Cyrus Broacha speaks bad Hindi, some Hinglish and some English as the TV anchor, and seems to be unhappy that he is not doing comedy (his forté). As Kabir’s right-hand Meera, Shernaz Patel breathes life into her character.

Langkawi island (actually a cluster of islands) in Malaysia, a veritable heaven, perhaps more pristine than neighbouring Phuket (Thailand), is the location for the major part of the film, and is photographed in gorgeous colours by Himman Dhamija. Editor Dipika Kalra needed to be ruthless with the footage to prevent the narrative from sagging, especially towards the last half hour. The film is at least 30 minutes too long. Music credits include Ankit Tiwari, Amaal Mallik and Meet Bros Anjjan, all in good nick. Background core by Sanjoy Chowdhury is used indiscriminately, often loud, contrasting pieces coming in rapid succession.

Roy begins stylishly, then gets indulgent, then gets over-smart, then tries to play safe by bringing in guns and fights, then pleads for sympathy for its characters who have earned none, and then hits a block. Could it be a case of writers’ block? As writer-director-navigator, Vikramjeet Singh takes us on a bumpy ride over many speed-breakers in his first foray. Wish him a clear road the second time around.

Rating: *1/2

Trailer: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2cql99_exclusive-roy-trailer-ranbir-kapoor-arjun-rampal-jacqueline-fernandez-t-series_shortfilms