The secret of Cannes:
you've got to get into it.

by Stephan Elliott (writer/director of The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert)

According to my producer Al Clark (as recounted in his book Making Priscilla), "...Alex Proyas (The Crow) was having dinner on the Croisette with Priscilla producer Al Clark (and various others). Proyas is on the evening's umpteenth expression of contempt for the vapid hysteria and compulsive insincerity of festival life, whereas Stephan, just off the Cinergi yacht where Bruce Willis has been giving him the unsolicited benefit of his advice, is having the time of his life".

In fact I careered round the corner in a silly party hat and hilariously drunk, yelling, "Isn't this fun?". And I think that's the secret of Cannes: you've got to get into it. Look at the Americans: most of them don't smoke, drink or fuck, and they come to Cannes... and then for two weeks behave like animals.

Cannes is an enormous game, I think, and the objective is to win more brownie points than anyone else. I did learn a few rules to achieve this:

- You must drink to keep up. I would start with my first press interview at 10 with champagne. I was drunk for the whole time. But it worked. There is a secret trick we Australians have perfected: pop three Sudefeds just before a midnight screening. It'll guarantee that you'll survive till the magic dawn hours. If you haven't got Sudafed (an over the counter nasal decongestant), chew gum.

- People who go to bed early lose out. I've done my best work at Le Petit Carlton late at night... well, early morning.

- Wear thick shoes. First it helps with all the walking. Second, it's a useful party crashing tool. Androna Finlay (partner in Latent Image who produced Priscilla) stuck her foot in the door to get into the MCA private function and it worked beautifully. I used mine when sweeping past a secretary, shoving my foot in the door to get into the New Line suite.

- Always arrive early for meetings: on one occasion I was early and we had the meeting while the other guy was shaving.

- Never accept a limo from anyone. I was assigned a limo by PolyGram which trailed me around wherever I went. Then I got the bill for US$28,000.

- Keep tight security around your dinner suit - and steam it in the shower to keep it fresh.

- Always arrange for a lift after the Moving Pictures party. An American offered me US$100 to get him back. I took it, got out my mobile phone and called for a cab.