You want to get to the smoked salmon and caviar canapés, the dancing girls, the gyrating boys, the wine, women and song. But before I give my Cannes party suggestions, here's another. For nigh on 10 years now I've watched various industry-ites and assorted hacks of all hues and persuasions come to the Moving Pictures office and debase themselves, prostrate themselves, grovel, cajole and crawl. For what? A mere invitation to a party.

I have one message this year - if you're not invited, don't go. I'm not talking about a putative MPI event. I'm talking about any party. It's a simple rule. Get on with the rest of your life. Go somewhere where people want you. If you have friends, be with them. Freeloading is seriously habit deforming. OK, I've done my bit. (That said - if anyone's left me off their party list you know where I am).

So which parties (should we be invited) would we like to go to this year? If the 10th Anniversary Moving Pictures party takes place that's obviously the party of choice… For the great and the good the only choice is the Amfar party - the American Foundation for Aids Research does terrific work and it's great that the likes of Liz Taylor and Elton John still give up their time.

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me Party promises to go with a bang, and a scaled back MTV party should top the overcrowded anonymous disasters of previous years. The Soho House has a members party tomorrow between 18.30 and 21.30 and Australia's Beyond Films on Sunday is also worth a visit. Also on Sunday is the Moving Pictures sponsored Cannes beach Party 99, given by the Fort Lauderdale International Film Festival at the Long Beach. Equally, an early sleeper might be Portman Entertainment's Savage Honeymoon and Scarfies Party... after all, its tag line is "They drink too much. They live too fast. They fight too much. They Love too hard."

Things might be looking up.

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Quotes of the day

"We are all gullible, weak, grubby little creatures" - Sir Anthony Hopkins.

"I am probably the only man in Hollywood never to have had psychotherapy" - Clint Eastwood.

"This obsession with being happy is one of the curses of Western civilisation. I need to be discontented. I need stress. I need crises" - Glenda Jackson.